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twenty nineteen

Yes I do make New Years resolutions. I know many think it is so cliche, but how else do you evaluate your success from the past year?

2019 was a year of learning for me. Learning how to balance a new career with three kids. Learning how to be present again. Learning how to survive on nothing. Learning how to dive deep into a relationship after healing from a hurtful one. Learning how to say no to things that didn’t help the boys, and yes to those that did. Learning to move on from friendships and family members that were hurting me more than helping me. Learning to take care of myself and my needs. Learning to take my life back, and do things I’ve wanted to for a long time.

It was a year of doing things I never would of dreamed doing five years ago. I ran a half marathon, worked for a women’s boutique, modeled, and went on my dream trip to Ireland. I explored Kansas City, went to more concerts than I can count, made new friends, tried new restaurants, stayed up too late, and really tried to embrace my new life.

It was also a year of breaking, of breaking my own heart. I left a really good man because I felt like I needed to be single and see what life was like….only to realize I couldn’t imagine my life without him. My dog Nigel, who was 13, suddenly passed away. It was also the first time in my life my boys left for an entire summer. There were moments when I didn’t think I could survive without them. I honestly couldn’t even go into their bedroom the entire time they were gone because it hurt too much, and every time I got off the phone with them I would cry… but I made it. The day I got to pick them up was one of the best days of 2019.

So here I am sitting in bed the morning of New Year’s Eve reminiscing over the past year, and realizing just how blessed I really am. Twenty nineteen was a year filled with more fun than I’ve ever had, some heartache, true friends, and a lot of strength. As for twenty-twenty, I plan on having just as much fun, but my goals are going to be less noticeable to the outside world because they are going to prepare the boys and I to have a better future. Plus, I’ve already decided that 2020 is going to be amazing. no.matter.what.

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