What if?

What if I wake up one day and I’m 76 years old and I never got to write the novel I’ve been dreaming of writing my entire life, or I didn’t take a giant leap of faith and open up the clothing boutique I’ve always wanted to, or what if I never pushed myself hard enough to run in the Disney marathon, or become a flight attendant so I can see the world while someone is paying me to do it? What if I was too strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that I forgot to live my life the way I wanted and formed my life entirely based on what other people think I should do? What if I teach my children that working and living a mundane life is more important than reaching your goals and taking risks in life?

If we believe in the sun even when it’s not shining, and falling in love even when we are alone, and in God even when he seems to be silent, than why is it so difficult for us to believe in ourselves? Why do we feel like we have to conform to society and get married at a certain age, have a certain career, have children, and somehow be able to balance it all while not losing our sense of self?

Today I woke up and realized that I don’t want to be 90 years old and regret that I let my life go by because I was too sad to get up and live.  I decided that I won’t let my life be ruled by other people’s opinions or my emotions, but rather I have to learn how to feel the good and the bad and be able to live with both. I have to wake up everyday with a purpose, and choose to be happy above all other things. I have to appreciate where I am in my journey because, even in this hard season, I know it serves a purpose.

So while I wait for my life to settle down, I am going to enjoy the chaos and be present in every moment, so when it’s time for me to write my novel, open my boutique, and  train for a marathon I will be ready.

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